Another cheesy title? Don’t worry, I just couldn’t think how to rephrase a very pertinent set of musings. I hope it’s not too cheesy for y’all!
Thinking back to my introductory blog post, I decided to expand on my musings around change and how recent significant life events have begotten new beginnings and opportunities. You see, I am currently trying to learn how to “live for the moment”. For those of you who are already worrying, I won’t be jumping off any more buildings – for the time being anyway!
I find myself in a constant battle; trying not to live in the past but to learn from my mistakes and appreciate the good things, trying not to wait for the “perfect time” because we all know that won’t happen, and trying not to live entirely in the future but to keep my hope and to have things to look forward to.
Any one who knows me well knows I have been “living for the day” for quite a while. I don’t want to be mistaken for dwelling on certain things, but I certainly think my zest for life has ironically come from being chronically sick. It’s forced me to grow up a lot quicker than I’d like, and often stops me from doing things I love. But it’s also taught me to appreciate life, celebrate the small things, and to live each day as it comes as you don’t know if there will be a tomorrow. I try not to let anything stop me from doing what I want and when I want. I’ve always been one for spontaneous road trips, surprise parties and forgetting the past. So if I want to jump off the skytower, I actually do it the following day (aye Hannah!)
Whilst I think this is very important for “living,” I have realised in this period of change that sometimes I need to be a little “less spontaneous”, or as some would say “more responsible!” Yet although I have learnt this, I do not want to let go of my fun loving spontaneous nature. My over thinking about the topic can itself stop me from living. A constant never ending circle.
Perhaps the most obvious (and daunting) change in my life has been relocating back to the other side of the world with one suitcase. Going from a warm climate, living with my fiancé, studying and ‘doing life’ with a large circle of close friends, I braved the cold climate and new town over here! Luckily for me, my family have been here to scoop me back onto my feet and help me deal and settle into my new life.
Although I’d like it to be otherwise, I acknowledge this change is a slow process. I need to love where I am at, and not think too much about where I want to be. In a similar way, I am learning to accept the past, and not dwell on the negative things, or use them as excuses to stop moving forward. Other obvious external changes are finishing Uni and stepping into the big wide world of “real-jobs” and getting engaged (thus learning to love with my guards down).
Yes, my external factors are changing. And yes, my thoughts are changing. Inevitably, I know this means my actions will also be changing.
For example, I am still learning to stop caring about what others think. This brings about a massive change in my actions, as I am a lot happier doing things I love. This also has me learning to love others, including those who judge me. I am learning to be a better me… And all because of change.
This last week in itself has been full of changes. One of the best changes is that my wonderful fiancé finally arrived into the UK. I probably will never be able to quite fully grasp the enormity of this. Not only has Elliot sacrificed the only life he’s ever known, but he gave up a job he was comfortable in, and said goodbye to his friends. Now he’s here, we can finally start building the next chapter of our lives together, which certainly will be full of more changes!
As a reminder that life is too short, this week we said goodbye to Doreen McCormack, my best friend Danielle’s grandma. Doreen was probably the most selfless woman I have ever met, and taught me a lot about generosity and loving people. It was a great honor to speak at her funeral on behalf of Danni, but my heart also broke for the loss of this one lady, not only for her family, but for her entire community. It rips me up to see Danni and her family so hurt by this change, and it’s such a rough time to be in. I hold onto hope that Doreen is out of pain and discomfort now, and that this change will get easier as time goes by.
On the plus side I was also reminded of new life, and the joys that comes with this. I am the most proud best friend to be able to introduce a beautiful healthy (and big!) baby boy into the world, Kit Bryce Pilkington. To Bobbie and Scott- I know bubs will bring a massive positive change in your life, and cannot wait to meet him in person one day. I couldn’t be happier for you, and I know you’ll be great parents!!
It is with changes like these in the last week that I remember life is short and valuable, and I am reminded once again the fact I must keep living very much in the “here and now.” I know I sometimes don’t like change, and I pray for continuous courage to let go of the things I can’t change. I also know that He has great plans for me, and so I have to learn to trust that changes happen for a reason, even if I can’t see what that reason is.
I know I will forever be in a period of change to keep my life exciting and to be ever-changing into the best version of me. And I will continue to learn to aways remember the positives of new beginnings!
I’ll leave you all with one of my favorite quotes, “are you waiting for change to make you happy, or being happy because of change?”
Until next time